What about the other stuff?
Be cautious early on. Sure you are “feeling” him or her. There is a lot of passion. The text messages they send are sweet. When you kiss everything seems right….and the emails… Stop for a moment and ask yourself. Is this a two way street? Does he/she feel as deeply about you as you do about them? Some of the best advice I have ever gotten about marriage I got from Paul Polinski, “The one who cares the least controls the relationship.” Have you met your “significant other’s” friends—boys and girls? How does he/she treat them? Does he/she have a job? Are you allowed to call him/her there? Have you seen them angry yet? Are they forgiving? With you? With their friends? With their family? You need to really find out if this person deserves your commitment, or if he/she is just another broken heart waiting to happen.
Do you really feel good about everything?
Step away from the relationship for a moment and ask yourself? How does he/she make you feel about yourself? Are you both investing the same time and energy into the relationship? Is he/she willing to pick up the check, make plans, do the calling, or be inconvenienced? Is it all about what they want or what you both want? To quote and old song, “Is there any mountain high, any valley low, any river wide enough to keep them from getting to you?”
Beauty is skin deep but ugly is to the bone…
Beauty fades away but ugly holds its own. What is good about the relationship will diminish but what is bad will only increase. If he/she isn’t paying their bills now what makes you think they will pay them after you are married. If he/she is looking at other women/men while they are on a date with you they will be doing more than that after 5 years of marriage—how can you possibly feel good about exchanging marriage vows with this person. Look closely at what is good and bad about this relationship, expect the good the stay good and the bad to drive you crazy in a few years and then ask yourself—can you live with that?
Discover the core values
Talk morals, talk politics, talk religion—what is their personal code of ethics—what is yours. It takes a little bit of digging and objectivity but this is discoverable. Maybe they tell “little” lies. Are they dependable? Do they call when they say they will? Are they moody? (For me that is a big one.) How important is Jesus to them. Are they committed and serving in their church or do they just go every now and then? Will they put you first and themselves second? Being unequally yoked, on any level, will prevent you from having an “enduring love.” Men and women are different in tendency, nature, perspectives, and strengths but we can only be one if we agree on those core issues that matter most.
